To listen to this post in French, click below https://blogginginparis.files.wordpress.com/2007/07/xmasghost.mp3″
Joared‘s post, Thanksgiving alone, made me remember all those hurdles that you have to jump when you’ve lost a spouse. I mean someone you loved.
There is the first week, once you’ve survived that, and you do, because you have all this s… you have to go through, insurance, paperwork, bank statement, undertaker and the likes. Then you can trudge on to the following weeks and months.
If you have a child, you start wondering how on earth you are going to make it on your own. You never thought you were going to raise a child on your own!
And then, there is the first Christmas without him, the first New Year’s Eve without him, his first birthday without him, the first Father’s day without him, your first birthday without him, your child’s first birthday without him, and then the first aniversary of his death… I was going to write ‘without him’!
And yet, you survive. Not only do you survive, you live. And after a while, you start living rather happily, sometimes feeling guilty because you are feeling all right. And then you think
what the hell, I am here and he is gone. I might as well live as best as I can.
You go through times when you are ANGRY at him. Why did he have to leave you on your own? When you got married, you didn’t bargain for that, all those years on your own, raising a child.
Finally, you realise that when your mother said that there is always something to be gained in anything bad that happens, it has some truth in it. In the last fifteen years without my husband, I have grown up and achieved things on my own. My daughter has grown into a smart and lovely young woman. I am retired and can afford quite a few things thanks to my widow pension. I have faithful friends and relatives that I love.
I have all those things that I enjoy doing, like walking. Walking with my husband was impossible. He was much taller than me so when we walked together, he would walk and I would run! 😉
I got involved in taking photographs and love it. My blogs keep me interested too. And finally my blog reading, all those blogs that I read every day, by those people who have become friends!
Still, Christmas and New Year, the holiday season is the time in the year when I feel that my life is not quite what it could have been.
I have to remind myself that I should look forward and not long for what’s past.