Fifteen years


Yes, fifteen years today since my husband died in a car accident. Both so far away and so close.
I wrote here more than once about him, about grief and trying to overcome it and a short time ago, on Septuagent‘s blog, I came across a link towards a paper called The Oldie, and a specific article entitled Enduring grief. I read that article about this woman who lost her husband and how she went through years of grief and one day went to a lecture and the lecturer said:

Older people coping with grief often try to keep their world the same. It is a mistake. If I have one thing to say to all of you it is this: make your world larger. Then there will be room in it for your grieving, but your grieving will not take up all the room. This way you can find space to make a new life for yourselves

In the last two years and a half that I have been blogging, this is exactly what I feel I have been doing.
Do read that article, it’s quite interesting.

The photo was taken on our wedding day in 1981.


16 thoughts on “Fifteen years

  1. That’s a lovely photo, Claude, you two look very happy. I am sorry you didn’t have a longer time together. I have bookmarked the article and will read it later. Thanks for the link.

  2. I love the photo, Claude. You certainly were the apple of his eye. I lost my husband 16 years ago…but to a disease that he’d had for years…it must have been a terrible shock to lose yours like you did. I agree that the blogging has opened up a whole new world and I love meeting so many people world-wide. I am about to post a blog titled “Surviving Survival Guilt” that addresses some of the issues of grief for me. Thanks for sharing with us.

  3. What a great photo, Claude and the happiness is very evident.
    I’ve seen in the past from patients I’ve had…we all deal with grief in different ways. And the ones who seemed to do the best and go forward with their lives were the ones who grieved, but also embraced life each day. I think blogging has opened untold doors for many such people.

  4. claude, there is something very special about the way you share personal things with us, your readers. i have learned much from you, the way you speak of memories, sadness, and moving on. you have quite a gift. thinking of you, naomi

  5. I love the way Roland is looking at you in this picture Claude. So much love and happiness. Grieving is a very essential process in order to move on. Blogging has played a very major role in my process…and I know that it has for you too.

  6. That is a lovely memory-filled photo for you to treasure always which you’ve shared. My thoughts are with you on this day.

    Thanks for sharing the link to the article on “Enduring Grief.” I identify with those thoughts more than much of that which is said and written about the grief experience. The writer so describes what I seem to have found myself intuitively doing, finally, after a few months — enlarging my world in several ways.

    I’m sure the challenges you faced, especially with a child, required coping issues more complex than my own, since my children were independent adults when my husband died unexpectedly this past year.

    Certainly, along with other activities I’ve undertaken, some of my adjustments, necessary changes, have been eased in part by those, such as yourself, I’ve had the good fortune to encounter in this larger blog world.

  7. Grief, I think, ripens us as we get older and there are more loved ones to grieve for – although death happens way to young, it seems, in some – as Roland.

    And yet, death is necessary for how else would we know the importance of life.

  8. My dear Claude,

    That was good advice you got. I’m so glad that you started blogging. It means that I can send along my condolences on this particular anniversary.

  9. After my husband died 13 years ago I attended a number of support groups and read many books about loss. Your quote, “make your world larger” makes a lot of sense and would have given me food for thought.

    No one ever expressed it that way.
    That’s what I try to do but never thought of it that way. Blogging sure makes my world larger!! And you know what, it makle me feel younger!

  10. Thanks for that new twist on grief. What a great visual, the jar, I’m sure I’ll always remember it. Always enjoy your blog……..

  11. Claude,
    I sent a link to the article to all the women in my Widow’s Group. I am sure this will be a vivid part of our next get-to-gether. Thanks for sharing this important grief information with us.

  12. What wonderful advice. I’ve had quite a big of loss firsthand and I know how strange it can feel at first to be happy again. I recently lost a friend and she said this before she died: Don’t think of me as dead. Think of me as making room for someone else to be born, the way someone made room for me.”

  13. What a wonderful picture Claude! I’m sorry you & Roland had so little time together. And I love the sentiments expressed in Enduring Grief. Thank you so much for sharing this with us! I’ve found that grief is m anifested in many different ways for many reasons and we all have to find a way of coping with it. I’m glad you found blogging to cope with yours. We would have missed an extraordinary woman & friend.

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